Marry Me
by Shasta627
Summary: Elena is getting married, and she's happier than he's ever seen. He wishes more than anything he could be as happy as her, but he can't. He still doesn't know how he's gotten this far without anyone discovering his secret; how he's been able to pretend like his heart isn't withering away at the sight of them together... [One shot. One-sided Mateo x Elena angst]


_**A/N: Written for the 2018 Eleteo Appreciation Week (Day 2: Angst) over on Tumblr. The fic is based off of the song "Marry Me," by Thomas Rhett, which is absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Anyway, come cry with me friends :')**_

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Mateo's hands shake as he ties the ruby colored sash around his waist. His hair is styled to perfection, every last curl neatly combed and set, and his formal robes are ironed and pressed. He glances in the mirror for what must've been the hundredth time within that hour, but his eyes are hazy and unfocused, and he looks without really seeing. After staring for a few moments he takes a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs entirely before letting it all out in a quiet whoosh, trying to quell the turning of his stomach as he thinks about the moments ahead.

Today is the biggest day of Elena's life, and she's so happy - happier than he's ever seen. He wishes more than anything he could be as happy as her, but he's never been good at lying, even when it's to himself. He still doesn't know how he's gotten this far without anyone discovering his secret; how he's been able to smile and laugh and pretend like his heart isn't withering away like a frosted flower every time he sees them together.

He remembers the first time she talked about having a wedding. He remembers feeling surprised, for she had never seemed like the type to settle down and start a family right after being officially crowned queen, but he now knows never to assume when it comes to her, for he always seems to be wrong.

He remembers her saying she wants to have it in the spring, where everything is alive and feels hopeful. She wants bright colors, flowers, dancing, and lots of food made by none other than her grandmother and the Avaloran bakers. She wants it to be full of laughter and happy tears, and then later admits she wishes her parents could be there by her side, to experience all the festivities and meet her betrothed.

_Betrothed_.

Hearing that word was a fire that burned him silently from the inside, with dark tendrils of smoke filling his lungs and slowly strangling his heart. _Her betrothed_. She had spoken generically, almost causally, but it was at that moment Mateo knew exactly who she was talking about, and it was clear from the expression on her face that she wasn't thinking about him.

He realizes now he was too late. He waited too long. He was afraid to tell her how he felt in fear of losing her friendship, but now he is losing her all together to another man, an ambassador from another town who they'd met only three years ago. He wishes he could hate him. He wishes he could find some fault in him, but the man is perfect, and so is she, so it naturally makes sense that they're perfect together.

Voices start floating down the hall and into the room, calling everyone into place as the ceremony is about to begin. He just barely hears the announcement and finally manages to force his stiff limbs to move from their rooted spot in front of the mirror. It's almost time, the time he's been dreading, and it's suddenly much too hot to be wearing a large robe. He finds a glass nearby and fills it with water, quickly downing it and wishing for the first time in his life that it was something stronger, something to help him forget all that's going on around him and numb the pain. But the water's only water and all it does is moisten his dry lips and settle like dead weight in the pit of his stomach.

People begin to walk by now, all smiles and laughter, and to have to pretend to be as joyous as them makes him feel even more sick, but he does it anyway, because even though it may be the worst day of his life he's not going to ruin it for her. He wants her to be happy and so he'll fake it until he makes it, or at least until he convinces everyone else he's as happy as them.

He mindlessly follows the other members of the wedding party and stands where he's been instructed to, waiting until she walks down the aisle and hoping it's soon but not too soon because he's afraid he won't be able to pretend anymore.

He wonders if he can just close his eyes, so he won't have to watch her promise herself to another man, but as soon as she comes into view he can't tear his eyes away. The world is no longer a blur or a haze - everything is crystal clear and comes into sharp focus once he sees her. She's beaming and her smile is as bright as her dress, and she's adorned with lace, pearls, and diamonds that all seem to make her glow with an unearthly beauty. He's never been so awestruck in his whole life, and just for a moment, he forgets about all the pain and mistakes he's made. Just for a moment, he can pretend it's him that she's walking to, and that she loves him just as much as he loves her. But reality comes crashing back all too quickly, and instead he is forced to watch her stand beside another man and gaze at him as though he was the world. They say their vows to one another, and hers are filled with so much love and passion that it brings a tear to every eye in the room, including his, but unbeknownst to others his is from regret. He quickly swipes at his eyes, and makes his own vow to not cry, to not show weakness, and to be happy for her. He knows it's his own fault for his internal pain and there's nothing he can do, so he just tries to ignore it for now and focus on making the day as perfect as he can for her.

The ceremony ends soon but not soon enough in his opinion, and he doesn't think he'll ever get the image of her passionately kissing her new husband out of his head as he turns and follows the crowd to the reception room.

For the rest of the evening everyone is singing and dancing and eating, and when she comes up to him to ask if he wants to dance with her he has to tell her no despite how much he wants to say yes. He knows that by saying no he's disappointing her and practically breaking his own vow, but he just doesn't trust himself to be that close and be able to hold it together, and doesn't want to risk the chances of falling apart in her arms.

The evening drags on yet the party is still in full swing. His sash feels as though it's beginning to constrict his breathing and the noise is loud, pounding against his head harder than the heels of peoples' shoes as they dance across the floor. After a while he finally sneaks outside with the excuse of needing fresh air and takes a deep breath, the cool night air stinging his lungs and eyes.

He knew it was going to be hard, watching her marry another man, but he never expected this much pain.

Be strong, he tells himself, remembering the vows he made earlier. But as he thinks of her and everything that he's lost, he can't help the hot, bitter tears that stream down his face as his shoulders shake in stifled sobs, his sorrow full of regret from all the times he kept silent, all the times he missed his chance.

If only he'd been faster.

If only he'd been stronger.

For today, the love of his life got married.

But she didn't marry him.


End file.
